Interview with Chance, the Evolution Fairy!!!

My comments in normal color.

My guest, the Evolution Fairy, in blue.

Interview with Chance, the Evolution Fairy


This is a real treat for me, thanks for taking the time to talk with Radaractive today!


Not a problem, if there is one thing I have, it is TIME! In fact, that is pretty much all I do have. So you are very welcome.


You know, you are the fairy or mythical concept or myth or however you would put it? Anyway, you are probably the very last one that I believed in...


Mythical concept? Hmmm. You talked to my publicist in advance? Mythological Concept is the official term. (scratches mythical and or mythological head)


Well, you have a lot of pseudonyms, so not sure what you prefer?


You can call me Chance, that is what my friends call me. But there are plenty of names I don't mind...


Chance? Great, just call me Radar. (shaking of hands) So these other names, what are a few of them you like?


Oh, "and then" or "by some means" or "in some manner" are all just fine. "Somehow" is another one I like. Years ago Happenstance was a name I liked but these days it sounds outdated, like being named Fauntleroy maybe?I get called Random Mutation all the time, but the mutations I know who are still alive are some pretty creepy characters and I would rather not be associated with them. The Evolution Fairy is a good one, actually, Toothy ought to like that.


Yeah, okay, Chance The Evolution Fairy it is!


Accident or accidental is another name I have come to accept. There is a hint of disaster or damage in verbiage like that. Nevertheless it works for me.


So, plenty of different names and euphemisms for you and most of them are fine with you?


Yes, but it irks me when I get ignored and they say something like "adapted" as if I didn't have anything to do with it...


Really? You must hate watching the National Geographic channel, then?


Too true. Adapted, adapted, adapted is all you hear from some of these narrators. You would think I didn't even exist and I am far and away the most important part of the story! Adapted is meaningless without me, right?


How so?


Well, think about it. Is there any means to explain the evolution of life without me? Is there any demonstrable means that can be tested or observed? NO! You either bring me in or the story is dead in the water, especially the beginning of life...


(Chuckling) Hey, you have a sense of humor! Dead in the water, I like that!


You like that? (smiles) Hey, you want to bring about an entire Universe from nothing? You need me. Life from non-life, complex from simple, information from no apparent source...Chance is the hero. Mix with immeasurable ages and stir and then, POOF! You got your Universe, your life, your DNA, your bacterial flagellum, name it! They really need me so I wish they would remember to specifically name me when they tell the stories. I am the all-important ingredient to explain pretty much any Atheist fairy tale you can think of, right?


As I was going to tell you, you were my last mythical, er, mythological concept to remain viable in my mind, so you are a special guest from my point of view.


Good, good. I think?


Yeah, well a big bunny hopping around leaving eggs and candy just didn't cut it in my mind, even when I was a little kid. I was thinking, yeah, that sounds like a story to me! Same thing with the Tooth Fairy. For one thing, if the Easter Bunny or some Fairy crept into the house my dog would have barked up a storm, man! I had a German Shepard when I was a little kid. Busy would bite anyone trying to sneak into my room for sure.


How old were you when you showed Tooth and Grabbit the mental door?


I don't know if I ever believed in either of them. But as a small child I figured that if I played along with the parents, they would keep giving me chocolate bunnies and half dollars under my pillow. No way I was ruining that deal!


Pretty smart kid, you were.


I had my moments. Grabbit?


Easter Bunny. He hates that name! I call him Grabbit because his character is all about kids going on egg hunts and trying to be the first to grab the eggs, so I call him Grabbit instead of Rabbit. I call those two Grabbit and the Money Honey!


The Money Honey is the Tooth Fairy?


Oh, man, Toothy is one hot looking fairy! Makes me wish I wasn't MYTHICAL, you know what I mean? Seriously fine fairy...she giggles when I call her that, too, and that makes Bunny Boy even madder.


So he has a Hare Trigger?


Are you married, Radar?


To the best wife North of the South Pole!


Your wife must have a sense of humor...or vast patience with bad puns.


She thinks I am funny. Poor kid. Yeah, I didn't buy the Santa Claus thing, either.


Santa Claus has a great marketing team. Just about any American child seven years old or younger wishes they had him on speed dial. He is big business. I think you understand that I have more real power and I appreciate that, but no one else gets the press Santa gets. He makes all these movie appearances, television specials and so on. If there is one big plastic light-up Santa in the world, there are a million! Surprises me that he didn't have you on his side at least until first grade.


Nope. It didn't make sense. When I was four years old, we didn't even have a fireplace so how the heck did some fat guy with a big bag of stuff get in the house? So the early forensic scientist/detective in me came out and I did an experiment...


This ought to be good...


I waited until long after I had gone to bed on Christmas Eve, trying to stay awake. Sure enough, I heard faint noises and I snuck out of my room. There were voices in the kitchen. I snuck a peek. My Dad was wearing a Santa hat and eating a cookie and my Mom was putting a ribbon on a toy trombone that hadn't been under the tree when I went to bed. Man, I snuck back to bed and I had such a funny feeling.


Sorrow, disappointment...anger?


Naw, I just thought it was so CUTE that my parents were pretending there was a Santa Claus to make it more fun for me. I mean, it didn't, I just liked the presents and the food and visiting relatives but I just loved them for it anyway...thought it was silly though. I was either four or five then, not sure which. My parents divorced before I started second grade so there weren't many full family Christmases to remember.


So did you tell them you knew?


And cut down on the "from Santa" presents?! But I did wake them up in the morning by making all sorts of horrible noises on that toy trombone. I kept my secret until I was in second grade and I got in trouble because I told the next door neighbor there was no Santa Claus...no, in fact what happened is that the kid, his name was Bennie, he asked me if I believed in Santa and I said no. Then he went home crying like a baby and told his mom, who was kind of a Doberman with lipstick when she was sober and worse when drunk. I think his mother wanted to spank me and then hang me but my Mom stepped up and kept me out of trouble. Trouble is, Bennie's mom was supposed to babysit me between the time I came home from school and my Mom got home from work so I became a latchkey kid at a young age...just because I didn't believe in Santa and didn't want to lie about it. My poor Mom, newly divorced, single parent, and her babysitter wanted to have her only son put in jail for the sake of Santa Claus!


This post is entitled Evolution Fairy interviews Radar? Right?


Good point. So, forgive me, tell me about your early years first.


Ah, the early years! Did you know that I am older than Santa or Toothy or even Grabbit Rabbit? I was among the very first alternatives to God considered by mankind! You had to have a Christmas before you had a Santa, you needed Easter for an Easter Bunny and it took awhile before pillows became popular so Toothy came along later, too. But I was discussed by Chinese mystics and Greek intellectuals long before those other guys came along.


Okay, I suppose I can see that. Some people worshipped the Sun or a bull or a snake but some with more imagination considered more abstract concepts like you...


Thank you very much for noticing that I am a high-end abstract concept and not some simple leftover from a fertility ceremony like Grabbit. Nor am I a 20th Century refugee from a Universal Studios monster movie or Project Blue Book. I am one of the first of my kind and I have way more staying power than the rest. People always give up on Santa but millions keep me on their mantle until the very end.


In my case, it was a question of the Loch Ness Monster or you, which one would be the last to go? In fact, later on I had to re-think Nessie as simply a leftover dinosaur.


Nessie? He's not even in the union! Sasquatch and Champ and Nessie and all of those guys belong to the FOB - Fraternal Order of Beowulf. You can't be in the MCU - Mythological Concepts Union - if you are now or ever were actually in existence. Santa got a pass there because he is so far from the actual guy he is based on they declared him a true myth. Beowulfers are real or used to be real, anyway. We are two very, very different organizations!


You know some, uh, guys, from the FOB?


Well, you see that is a problem. I cannot comment on that.


WHAT? Why in the world not? (raised eyebrows followed by wrinkled brow and hands outstretched questioning. I was truly surprised here)


You see, let's just pretend that Sasquatch, just for arguments sake, that there really are a few of them hanging out deep in the woods trying to avoid humans, right?


Okay. For arguments sake...


Good. So, you see, they have a lot of publicity as mystery creatures, things that might or might not be...if they did exist and, remember, being hypothetical here...


It's a given...


Correct. So if somebody actually captured a living Sasquatch or one that had just died and was intact, what happens?


It's big, big news!


Oh sure, for a little while. But then Sasquatch would just become another animal that is very rare and pretty soon no one would talk about them anymore. Think about it. How often do you talk about Coelecanths at the dinner table? Rare animals are somewhat interesting, extinct animals somewhat interesting, but mysterious unknowns have real power. So IF there are any pleisiosaurs living in any lakes, seas or oceans anywhere I frankly cannot discuss them.


So where does the Beowulf name come from?


You think all these liberal English Literature teachers would be assigning Beowulf as required reading if they knew it was an actual account of men dealing with a dinosaur problem? Heck no, they would bury that thing as deep as they could! But if it is about a mythological beast (real or not in actuality) then it becomes a favorite toy.


So you aren't saying that the Loch Ness Monster is real, but if he was he would just be a dinosaur?


Technically speaking, Radar, you should know quite well that seagoing beasts like pleisiosaurs and pliosaurs are not dinosaurs according to their Paleontological classification and neither are pterodactyls.


My bad. But you are saying that Nessie either is or was real?


So you say. I cannot comment.


Aren't you concerned for yourself, then? If we capture a big supposedly prehistoric sea creature from Lake Champlain and prove their existence, it is bad news for them. Once science is satisfied that you are just too far fetched to believe, conversely, that is the end for you as well, yes?


I'm not worried.


But I am right, though. I mean, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, everyone eventually realizes they are fake but people like to teach little kids to believe in them so they are going to have a long shelf life. But you? You aren't a warm and fuzzy story for little kids so if they ever find out you are a fake, it isn't going to be pretty...I would think the world would turn on you hard?!


Not happening! I have more juice than anybody else in the MCU. I never worry about that at all.


You should be! The whole Hutton/Lyell long geographical ages hypothesis is falling completely apart. Every rock layer on earth other than the lowest bedrock has been shown to be the result of catastrophes and the fossil record is all about sudden burial associated with massive water events. In other words, the Noahic Flood is going to become accepted again within the next one hundred years.


That will not matter to me.


But study of the Sun has shown that it would have certainly made the planet uninhabitable even one billion years ago and probably that is a conservative estimate. Those long ages for life to develop on Earth are going away. You absolutely must have untold millions and billions of years within which to work.


You never heard of "hopeful monsters?" Punctuated equilibrium? The people who are determined to believe in me will continue to find ways to do it in the face of literal mountains of evidence to the contrary. Just take a good look at the scientific community today. Read your own blog! You nailed it in one of your earliest posts.


You read my blog?


I read all of my press clippings. Directly or indirectly you have been writing about me for years now. I agree with you in this, that world view trumps all else. Atheists, naturalistic materialists as you like to call them, they need to believe in something. EVERYBODY believes in something. No one is without a religion, they come with different labels on the outside and differing contents on the inside the box but the box itself is worldview and we all have one.


I am not just on the periphery, I am an intrinsic part of the worldview of those who prefer not to believe in God, or at least the actual Creator God. There will always be people who hate God no matter what. Sure, there are millions on the fence who may decide to become (sighs) Christians at some point and most of them will abandon me. It is funny that some of them keep in touch with me even after they get saved, isn't it?


Funny is not the word I would use. Sad. Puzzling. Illogical. It is certain to me that you cannot fully believe in the God of the Bible and the concept of evolution by common descent from one original organism via natural selection through mutation by chance over time. Arrgh! That is a mouthful. Neo-Darwinism.


Chance! You had to mention me when you said all that!


Yes, you have to be there for their explanation of the beginning of the Universe and the cause of information and abiogenisis and on and on ad nauseum.


So it shall be. Long after they get tired of Santa and forget Grabbit I will still be on their lips and on the pages of their grant applications and in between the covers of their textbooks. I am ubiquitous! I don't really think your blog makes much of a dent in my following, actually. It is one reason I agreed to be interviewed.


Wait, you agreed to this interview because you don't think my blog will make any difference?


As long as God is paying the light bills on existence, I am going to be around. I am a concept, after all, so I have no consequences to fear, do I? When the Creator God pulls the plug on everything, I will disappear and then I get to find out what oblivion feels like. But no Hell for me. I have nothing to lose, so I am going to enjoy the ride.


You are telling me you believe in God?


Well, duh! He made men, men can think abstractly, and therefore I could exist. If God had been happy with a world of little fishies and birdies there would be no me. He allowed for my existence and I have no problem admitting it. Why not? Heck, I bet Moses could come back from the dead and show Richard Dawkins that cool staff of his and Dawkins would just cling to me that much tighter. You see, the fact that men like to worship themselves and their ability to cook up cool and complicated hypotheses about origins without resorting to God brings me into play.


There are many, many people who refuse to believe in God because God is too simple. They lump Him in with Santa Claus as being mythological and then they resort to me because I seem to be part of something so elegant and brilliant that they are proud of themselves for believing it. There are plenty of people who think they are using their minds to discover facts about the nature of all things but in truth they are just building temples to their own intellect. Trust me, those temples don't get built in a day and they do not get taken down easily, but if they fall they fall fast and they fall hard!


Chance, I had a pretty big one myself.


Came down in one moment, didn't it?


Yes it did. There was, and in fact there still is, a lot of rubble to clear away. But once Jesus came in that temple I had built to myself came down like Samson himself was pushing away the pillars!


Jesus Christ is very good at that. But He made me, too, so I cannot be mad at Him even if we find ourselves on opposite sides in the big war. Satan has co-opted me and interjected himself into science with me as part of his weaponry. Talk about marketing, by the way, the whole cartoon character with the horns and tail and pitchfork! I mean, Satan has made himself into Porky Pig with a big eating utensil in the eyes of the world. They are more likely to believe in ET than consider Satan a real being!


Like I said, I am going to have my followers and no matter how much evidence you post on this blog, the average guy who posts arguments on this blog has already superglued me onto his worldview. You just aren't adequate with all the facts and articles and arguments you can muster, not to take down a big humanistic temple all by yourself.



Chance, I suppose that is true, but I keep hoping for the one reader now and then who will think about the whole concept and look into everything with an open mind and heart. I hope and pray for the few who might come to know Christ because someone showed them there was an alternative to billions of years of hopeless and meaningless death and struggle for no purpose and with no plan.


(big smile) Well, like I always say, THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE!


~~~~~~~


Chance the Evolution Fairy appeared on this blog courtesy of the Mythological Concepts Union. All rights reserved. Thanks to the Fraternal Order of Beowulf in the most hypothetical possible way, naturally. Both organizations have a strict no picture/no autograph policy so please, no requests for autographed photos, thanks in advance. Chance can be reached at:

whenpigsfly@hellfreezesoverforthestanleycup.myth