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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

After the abortion, what?

The above site is a good place for people to go who have been involved in an abortion or perhaps have had one or have thought about doing so. Since I am a guy I have not had one and have not been involved in considering one. But I have dated women or befriended women who have had one or more abortions and I can tell you that an abortion is not just ending the life of a has repercussions for the mother as well. In most cases women have issues after the fact - regrets, depression, physical problems like possible sterility or infection and increases likelihood of breast cancer.

We cannot just generalize about something like this. My experience with women who have had abortions is either regret or a hardening of heart. It seems that those two positions are the most common. Rarely have I run across a woman who admits to an abortion who does not regret it. When I meet one who has had an abortion and does not express regret it often has been a woman who has had multiple abortions. But every individual is different so there may be women who have had just one abortion and have no regrets and there may be some who have had more than one who now wish they could take it back.

No matter what you want to tell me, years of experience tell me that an abortion is a big deal. No one who has one does it without collateral damage. So often potential fathers or grandparents are hurt or angry when a baby is killed in the womb. Then of course there is the baby... So when an abortion happen it is not just about one person because most of us are not isolated. It has a ripple effect across families, too.

What kind of culture do we live in where we kill babies and allow people to starve in order to preserve some stupid little fish? We hold candlelight vigils for murderers on death row (a rarity these days) but babies? We cut them up into parts and sell them for research and makeup and whatever and while young girls often get talked and pushed into killing their babies big business makes big money on the deal. If abortion were rightly judged as murder, more people who are trying to adopt babies could have them and more women would be free of guilt and remorse and grieving for lives that were never allowed to go forward.

For a long time I have suggested that people check out abort73 to find out all about abortions and there is a great deal of information there. But it is of cold comfort for those who come to the game too late. What if you have aborted your child? What if you lost a grandchild? What if the grief or the sorrow or the anger will not go away?

Abortionchangesyou is not an attempt to keep people from aborting babies, although it may well serve to do that. It is a site designed to help people deal with the aftermath. When an abortion has happened, it cannot be undone. But what can be done to counsel the woman or girl, the parents, the would-be father? This is the site that offers help.

Michaelene Fredenburg has this to say about the site:

When I became pregnant at 18, I had an abortion.

I was completely unprepared for the emotional fallout. I thought the abortion would erase the pregnancy. I thought I could move on with my life. I was wrong.

I experienced periods of intense anger followed by periods of profound sadness. When my feelings became too difficult to deal with, I reached out for help from a trained counselor.

With counseling and the help of supportive friends, I was able to enter into a healthy grieving process.

In addition to grieving the loss of my child, I slowly became aware of how my choice to abort had impacted my family. I was surprised and saddened that my parents, my sister, and even my living children struggled to deal with the loss of a family member through abortion.

Over the years I’ve heard many heartrending stories about abortion. Although each story is unique, a common thread moves through them all—abortion changes you. Yet there is no forum to help abortion participants—and the people who are closest to them—explore this tragic truth. Although abortion has touched many of us, we rarely share our personal experiences regarding it.

This is what led me to write a book that shares some of the stories I’ve heard. There was also a need for a safe space for people to tell their stories, explore the ways abortion has impacted them, and find resources. We created to fill this need.

It is my hope that this Web site will assist you as you seek to make sense of your abortion or the abortion of someone close to you.


WomanHonorThyself said...

an abortion is not just ending the life of a has repercussions for the mother as well...great piece but the Libs will deny this vehemently of course!

highboy said...

radar, brandi lozier, the abortion survivor who became an activist got in touch with me and we're trying to work out her coming here to PA. My brother is Senator Eichelberger's Chief of Staff and he's trying to help us work something out so she can meet the Senator and get a rally going or something. Very exciting. Great post.